The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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