Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Guys Hate When Girls Do These 29 Cringeworthy Things
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"