I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
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Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
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It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.