I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
