I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved