no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
