Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
