I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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