I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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