I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
