My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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