Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
