I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
