I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize