why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
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