Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
