im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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