Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
