Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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