Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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