i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
