i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
