and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
