Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
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You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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