you would pick up someone in the library
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
