Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
someone threw a dead crab at me
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
