So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
