hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
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