apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
now i know why i became what i already was.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
