Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
