oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
