I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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