Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
