okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
