I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
