yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
