I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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