This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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