You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
