why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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