I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
