Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
