He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
