The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
