he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
