remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
