I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
