As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Banned from zoo.
Again?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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