grandma shit on top of the toilet
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
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