So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
