he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
