anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
