Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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