His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
