YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
