I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Randomize
