Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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