The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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