Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
