I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
