the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
