The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
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