Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I have feelings that need drinking.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
