i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I'm passing your future prison.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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