Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
