Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
