OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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