im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize