what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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