false alarm. still invincible.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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