So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
