Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
