my mouth tastes like poor choices
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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