I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
