Please don't use social media to get back at me.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
