They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
