Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
