I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
