OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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